Collaborative Divorce
Divorce is a traumatic life event that affects many people. For a divorcing couple the practical issues of separating are daunting enough without the exhausting waves of emotion that also frequently accompany such a major ending—pain, grief, anger and disillusion.
In an attempt to reduce the stresses of marital breakdown, a growing group of professionals around the world have developed Collaborative Divorce, based on a wider philosophy of conflict resolution known as Collaborative Practice (www.collaborativepractice.com). The aim is to help couples divorce in a way that is non-adversarial. This requires that all the legal negotiations between the couple and their respective lawyers take place in the same room at the same time in a spirit of mutual respect and co-operation. The couple are not engaged in a win-lose battle, neither are the two lawyers. The intention is to arrive at a humane settlement that will serve the couple’s and their children’s best interests in the long-term—a settlement that has the advantage of being made by the couple and not by a court judge on their behalf.
Of course, the desire for co-operation doesn’t mean the difficult feelings go away. Old grievances and wounds are likely to flair up during negotiations and have to be taken into account. This is where I and my colleagues come in. As Collaborative Coaches we work with the couple, together or as individuals, in advance of the legal negotiations, to help ensure that the time spent with the lawyers will be as constructive and effective as possible. We can also be present to offer support during the legal meetings, containing the emotional process, calling for ‘time out’ if things get too heated, mediating and helping to interpret where understanding has broken down.
Another great advantage of Collaborative Divorce is that it has the potential to cost far less than the old adversarial system, because it can be concluded in a fraction of the time, without the endless to-ing and fro-ing of argument and counter-argument in the post.
I work alongside a number of major law firms in the south-west of England who are committed to the collaborative approach. If Collaborative Divorce sounds an appropriate option for you and your partner, please contact me and I’ll be happy to advise and consult with you on how best to take things forward.